by karenbanfield on October 15, 2009
Question:
The question I have asked my entire life is why do people have to suffer so much? Life is hard anyway, then people go through hell with horrible accidents and diseases like cancer. It all seems so unfair, and I ask why, why, why? And why do some appear to have it relatively easy while others have one bad thing after another happen to them? I’ve never been able to reconcile these things. Judy
The first thing that strikes me about your question is your compassionate heart and deep philosophical wondering. That tells me a lot about who you are as a person and your own relationship with suffering. I’m thinking there has been quite a lot of it in your life.
My answer to this question reflects my own beliefs because I don’t think any of us truly knows the nature of reality. That said – here is my take on suffering.
The universe is made up of dark and light energies, the yin and yang.
We are also made up of those energies. Alternately, you could view it as being born with two selves, a false self and a true self, and that it is our job to move out of the false self and into the core of light that lives at our center. Life on earth is about the recovery of that light or self, which means learning to live from a place of truth and awakening, meaning to literally wake up from the common dream.
I have always believed that hell is here and not in some far off place, as Christian philosophy reports, and that we are born into circumstances that challenge us so we can grow and evolve out of it. It is the ‘diamond being formed in the fires of darkness’ idea. This planet is the darkness of purification until we learn to manage that energy, then our consciousness sees and brings the light.
The challenge to awakening is not to get lost in the suffering but to see it as the teacher it was intended to be. I think if you look back over your life you’ll see the shift in consciousness that was birthed from each hard time you had. The thing that is important is not to become the hard times so you see nothing else, and allow it to form your world view. We all go through periods of darkness which are intended to be tunnels to something else, not permanent homes.
You might want to do some reading about karma and past lives, not with an idea of changing your beliefs but as an exploration or curiosity. I don’t have space here to go into those ideas, but can say with certainty that death is not real. I have seen and talked with too many spirits who have passed out of this reality to ever believe that. Also, seeing a single lifetime as part of a larger experience allows perspective. How else can you explain a child who is writing symphonies at four years old? We remember and we come back. The idea is to work through the hell consciousness or darkness, so we return with more light. We need to BE the light. If you discover you’ve built a house in the tunnel of darkness dismantle it and keep moving.
Here’s an easy way to start. Remember that what you give your attention to expands, it becomes larger, so make an effort to pull your energy away from the troubles and suffering of the world and start looking for the good things. Focus on the positive. Turn off the news and pick up an uplifting book or article instead. When folks talk about their suffering, see them as going through the tunnel, not living there. Holding light for them when they are unable to do so themselves is an enormous gift.
Making time each morning to speak out loud all you are grateful for is another powerful way to begin. It sounds simple and not worth bothering with but it works really well, because it trains your mind to look for the light and to appreciate the goodness that surrounds you in every moment of every day.
by karenbanfield on September 9, 2009
You have given me so much good advice, but I still find I cannot commit to my creative life. If I were taking a class and had been assigned to write by such-and-such a date, I would do it without a doubt. I cannot let myself fail when I am committed. But I don’t honor commitments to myself. Can you help?
When I look at your energy I see you standing in back of yourself. The you that people interact with looks hallow, like you are making yourself an empty vessel so you can hold who they are and what they give you. You soak their essence in, absorb it, then feed it back to them. It’s a service, and a way of communicating and interacting that is meant to put them first and to feed who they are. Living like this is valuable to your child self because she feels loved as you draw them close and meet their needs.
This way of interacting is excellent for making and keeping long term relationships but does not allow you to live in your own body or be fully who you are, because a real and vital part of your spirit is standing behind your physical self. It is kept in shadow and not allowed room or voice unless called forth by the request of another. It is important for this part to please and show how well she can perform. She must always measure up. If the shadow self took space and voice that would endanger your ability to serve. If you did not serve others, you would question your worth and lovability. The child in you needs to be parented by your adult self because the child is running the show. She needs to learn that she can be lovable and still speak her truth, that she can inhabit her own body and have desires and visions that are not about pleasing anyone but herself. She does not believe this now. She may say she does, but there is a deeper life and death issue here. This issue is as primal as claiming her right to take up space on the planet. In her heart of hearts, she does not believe she has a right to do that, others do, but she does not.
This shadow self is powerful, willful, and creative. She holds your gifts and the ability to change your life for the better. She is a threat to the status quo. You like her and want to include her but fear the cost.
When you get to a place in your process where you are ready to experiment − and you will − practice standing in silence and inviting her to merge. Watch her in your minds eye coming into your body and integrating. Breathe into her presence and allow her to have a voice. What does she have to say? Write it, hear it, speak it, allow it, honor it. I’m thinking she is probably pissed off and tired of being so nice to people who are stealing her life energy and time.
You are dealing with early issues, so none of this is easy, but you are at a crossroads now. What will you do? Live your life to fulfill yourself or be a vessel that hangs on the approval of others while supporting what they want to be and do.
Here’s the up side. When you find your courage, you’ll get it all anyway. When you risk and can heal the frightened compliant part, stand fully in yourself and honor who and what you are above all else, you’ll like yourself better and so will others. If they don’t, it will be fine to have them walk away. This pattern was created in childhood, so it seems huge, but once you get on the other side, you’ll be able to see it for the smoke screen it is. You’ll wonder, What took me so long. Life is much better this way.
by karenbanfield on September 8, 2009
I got a call on September 2, 2009 saying that Big Bear, the man on the cover of my book had died. The funeral was on Sunday in Mill City, a two hour drive from Portland. It was held on top of the same mountain and in the same graveyard as War Eagle’s service, very much in the wilderness and beautiful. After I parked, a woman came up to me. Are you Karen Banfield, she asked? When I said yes, she threw her arms around me and wept hard. Then said, I can not thank you enough for writing that book. It made me laugh and cry. I am so happy to have it now.
In that moment, all the work I’d done to write and bring the book into the world felt completely worthwhile. Hers was the greatest most heartfelt gift I could receive.
The weather was dramatically undecided. The wind blew hard and then stopped, the rain pounded, the sun came out, then it started all over again. Big brawling gusts of wind knocked everything over; umbrellas went up and just as quickly folded down, the sun got hot and cold. It was crazy. People could not stay dry.
The funeral fell to the oldest brother Red Wolf. Sadly, he put away Native American ritual and read bible scripture. I was surprised and disappointed that he had not honored tradition, but knew the pressure the family was under. Everyone welcomed me. It was heart-warming to see them all again. Everyone I had known was there and it touched me. I got up and spoke about Big Bear’s loving nature, as did several others who battled the elements to be heard. The whole thing was like remembering a dream or another lifetime. It was like reliving the last funeral in many ways.
Later we drove to a reception where it was thankfully warm and dry. Most of the folks I met wanted to talk about the book. I asked one couple where they’d heard about it and they said that Bear carried it everywhere he went. Look, I’m on the cover of a book, he told them, proudly displaying the jacket. I learned that NO one in the immediate family had read the book. They were stopped by reading difficulties or found the content too sad to face.
At the reception, the hostess brought out a big pot of spaghetti. I listened as a woman sitting near me cautioned her husband, who was wearing a pale silk green shirt. No way you’re dishing your own spaghetti, she said, you’ll get spots on your shirt.
She made him a big plate, then reached for something with her left hand while holding the pasta in her right. As she stretched, the entire plate slipped and fell over my head, into my hair, down my neck, over my shirt, onto my pants and finally to the floor in big vomit-like globs. It was a meat sauce with lots of hamburger grease and tomatoes. I went to the bathroom where the hostess offered a shower, I’ll bring new clothes, she said, but I had a different idea.
You know what? I think it’s time to drive back to Portland. Thanks anyway.
Driving home I wondered whose spirit dumped the pasta. I have been in a crazy bad luck time. I sliced my finger deeply in the trunk of the car, Bear died, pasta bath and last time I tried to read for a client my spirits were missing, so I could not offer one word. Maybe there is a spirit convention someplace and all my protectors and helpers left to attend. Maybe they are all in Hawaii drinking moon nectar and getting high on fireflies. This has happened before. It’s such an odd feeling. They do come back; at least they have in the past, makes me more than a little nervous though.
All in all, it was a good day, it was a sad day, it was a day of joyful reunion and it was a greasy wet stinky spaghetti day.
by karenbanfield on August 23, 2009
Question:
A very close friend has committed suicide. It is difficult to find the words to describe how this feels. Sort of like being punched in the stomach. Call me crazy, but I just know he is still here, sort of in a limbo, not grasping what he just did. I “feel” him and wonder if he will be hanging around work for a while, since that is where he spent SO much time and was well-loved. Everyone says he was fine at work the day before. He was one of the most popular nurses in our unit. I have known him for almost 12 years. He had such a gift for making people feel better. He was so empathic and compassionate – and yet was still so male. I don’t know a single person who did not love him. Why did he do this? It makes no sense! He was not a loner, did not fit the classic signs for someone at risk for suicide. He had a great support system and was a very gifted communicator with a remarkable sense of humor. Anyway, I just can’t make sense of it. And I feel like he is saying to himself, Oh shit – what did I just do? His energy is still very strong. He had a big fight with his wife on Friday, abruptly went into the barn and hung himself. No warning. He left behind 2 young and beautiful children -whom he adored.
I wondered if you might be able to psychically get any hits about this. Would you even want to? I know it will take time, lots of time for people to heal and for him to let go and move on as well.
Oh dear lady,
I totally understand the devastation of an experience like that and how long it takes to recover from the shock, loss and disbelief. You said, “‘He had such a gift for making people feel better. He was so empathic and compassionate.” I think that is part of it. People who are deeply connected and open have a harder time of it here. Also, I wonder about his relationship with his wife. I bet his kids kept him going but he felt trapped in his marriage. We never know what people are struggling with behind smiles and good cheer.
If you feel him around you, I’m sure he’s there. Knowing him so well makes all this land extra heavy on your heart. No way to get around it, but you do him no service to own too much of this pain.
If you want to help his spirit you can do so by willing yourself to rise above the trauma of the event. Find a quiet place inside yourself and begin to tenderly hold the parts of him that you loved, see him with respect in his best self and visualize his connection to the light - always see him standing in the light, every time you think of him, put him there and smile. Too much earth pain is not good for you or for him. It’s like a bomb went off and everything went dark. By holding visions of his finest self, which you obviously knew well, you are placing a rose in the heart of devastation. He needs to be consistently placed in spiritual light, to be well thought of and sent loving energy, smiles, and happy memories. This will help more than you can imagine.
by karenbanfield on July 25, 2009
Question
My daughter has been having really intense dreams about death lately – some are horrifically violent and they disturb her, but she has been able to glean some good insights from them regarding the sacrifices she is making in her life by her choices. Do you have any advice for “death” themed dreams? In them she dreams that various assorted loved ones die and she is faced with the losses and sometimes is faced with the challenge of “saving” them. She keeps a dream journal. Thank you so much for any suggestions or comments you may have that can help her understand these dreams! Kim
These dreams lie the past to rest and usher in the future.
Dreams of death are dreams of major transition and change in a person’s life. When a chapter in life closes, we dream of death, but it does not forecast actual death, it symbolizes a radical letting go of an old identity. Your daughter is in a time of accelerated change. The sudden death of the past is reflected by acting out the loss of those she holds dear. This marks the end of the line for her existence as a child. Now her relationship with you and other family members, as it used to be, will be finished. This does not mean that your connection will disappear or be negative; it simply means that the end of an era has arrived and a new parent-child relationship will be part of the future.
These dreams mark a powerful and unalterable change. Your daughter is moving away from the family unit as a core of identity and into her own identity as a separate individual. She has no external ritual for this passage so her dream world is creating one. This can feel violent, unknown and threatening to the psyche. She is seeing who she can ‘save’ and looking at fatalities.
People who battle in death dreams are usually excellent career people and successful at whatever they do. Any small disappointments can be upsetting because at their core they are fighting for survival. High achievers who excel in life are frequently dissatisfied, as if some invisible inner standard has not been met. Your daughter is fighting to find a kind of security that can not be taken from her. She is working to build protection in the physical world. It will be important for her to remember that the things that can not be lost reside in spirit, emotions and soul.
by karenbanfield on July 25, 2009
Question
I was wondering how you came about working in this field? Is this something you specifically went to school for or did the knowledge of peoples lives come naturally to you?
Thanks! Sara
My dreams used to tell me what would happen the next day, which was a curiosity to me. I wrote them down and then wondered at the part of me that could receive such things.
I was in graduate school studying counseling psychology when we began discussing dreams. My supervisor told me to bring one in for our next meeting and we’d work on it together. He didn’t understand I had this connection and was expecting to have a typical lesson in translating symbols and images. The dream I had the night before our class contained information that was all about him, his current life and his past, so that’s what I took to the session. When I read my dream he blanched and became quiet. Nobody knows those things about me, he said. How could you know? He was uncomfortable and dismissed the rest of the session. I left feeling annoyed at having this consistent part of myself that did not fit into the world, and seemed to scare people. I finished one year of graduate school and left with six months to go.
Being in graduate school felt like living in a photo which was slightly out of focus. The experience was almost right but something needed to be adjusted. Not knowing how to find clear vision, I went back to the theater and joined a touring company. When I became ill, Rebecca, a fellow actress gave me my first tarot reading. This was in the early 70’s, before the internet. I had never seen the cards or heard of anyone using them and was astounded at the accuracy of her insights. I could not buy cards in Portland then, or even find a good book on the subject in the library. I had to special order a deck from Powell’s books and become my own teacher. When they arrived I mentally and emotionally digested the images, thinking of nothing else for months. They were dream-like, and spoke to me in a language without words, which I loved. The cards gave me a way to tap the guidance from my dreams and move it successfuly into this one.
I was living in a mansion at the time, in NW Portland called The Lawn, an old building which had been converted into single rooms and rented to people who made their living in the arts. When residents found out I could read their process, help free them from destructive patterns and glimpse what was coming, they knocked repeatedly on my door.
I traveled to Boston that summer with a group of street musicians, who played in Harvard Square while I did readings. People lined up to see me each evening, and because I was there all summer, I got feedback about our sessions which allowed me to trust my sight and the accuracy of my words. I left understanding that while the cards were a valuable tool, that the real help people received came from my inner core and not from anything external.
Gradually I integrated what I had learned in counseling, the performing arts and from the world of metaphysics and found a style and comfort level all my own.
I have offered intuitive training classes for decades and watched plenty of people wake up to the wise part of themselves, which is always exciting. But these classes are not something I really teach, they are an experience I guide, because our knowing sits inside, ready and waiting to be acknowledged and released, I just make space for it to come out!
by karenbanfield on July 22, 2009
Question
Karen, Can you tell me how you do a reading on the phone? Pat
I read by closing my eyes and going into meditation. I change realities in that way. I ground myself by running energy into the earth and center in my heart. Then I open my third eye, connect to a place of light above my head, and farther still, to all that is divine. I sit in the quiet and listen and watch.
Soon I’ll see an image or hear a voice that begins to tell me what I need to know about the person I am reading for. I get a single piece of information at first, speak what I get, then watch and listen as the rest unfolds. It’s like finding the end of a thread; I pull on it and follow along. The secret is to trust whatever is given because this is not a mental process. If my mind gets in the way, I will want to censor or change what I receive. I will feel insecure or worry about being right or wrong.
I receive from a place that is beyond the body, so finding a person’s essence is easy. I ask for a photo when I do phone readings, because I like to see who I am reading for. It’s not essential, just makes me feel comfortable because I’m visual. It’s like being properly introduced.
I do need the person to be present when continuing into healing sessions, however. Then I want to watch their eyes and body messages. I need to be with them physically to best guide them into new perspectives.
My mother’s second husband, Joe, was in the hospital preparing to die. He never believed in any of this, but the pain was too great for him to stay in his body, so his spirit came to see me. He was in New York and I was in Oregon but that didn’t matter because distance does not exist without our bodies. I was getting ready to go into town when the photo of him on the mantel lit up. I didn’t know what was happening, so I put down my car keys, picked up his picture, closed my eyes and held it in my hand. He said, I need you to tell your mother to let me go. I’m going to die before my birthday and I want you to prepare her. He ask that she do this by giving away some of his favorite things. I agreed to make the call, but was uncomfortable because my family has never understood the clairvoyant part of me. I called to ask how she was doing and halfway through the conversation she said, do you get anything? I said, what do you mean? You know, psychically, do you get anything? I was stunned because no one in my family had acknowledged my work. As a matter of fact, I do, I said and went on to convey his messages. My mother understood, gave away a few of his favorite things and told him out loud that it was okay for him to go. True to his word, Joe died a few days before his birthday.
The reason I tell you this is because our spirits travel, especially when we are in pain. Even people who don’t believe it’s possible leave their body, which is essentially what happens during sleep.
When I’m reading for another person, I connect to their spirit body and am able to receive all I need to know. That said, my work is not psychic in terms of making predictions or proving anything to anyone. I use my skills to help others gain perspective and understanding so they can heal their lives and find their inner light. The goal is to make a difference in the world and live from a healthy place within ourselves.
Did that answer your question?
by karenbanfield on July 21, 2009
Question
I was wondering, sometimes, when faced with a decision that seems to have multiple answers and possibilities, all of which have merit in their own way, I have trouble deciding which is the correct road to choose. How can I discern when spirit is guiding my choice, rather than my own ego. Thank you so much.. Jill
Character is built from our struggle to know the truth.
If you are struggling to know the clear voice of your spirit, you are struggling to find your purpose and direction in life. The answer to your question lies in having inner conviction; otherwise the intellect will play games with you by creating duality, contradiction and confusion. Dealing with polarity keeps the mind thrashing and full of mental strain, it keeps you spinning to complicate and obscure your clarity, and finally keeps you from being the light you were meant to be in the world. This is the element of wind, the ruler of the mind, the trickster.
Retreat when you feel confused and deliberately detach to consider the matter at hand. Get more practical information if you need to, then compare what you have with the voice and goals of your heart. You must feel good about what you are doing and where you are going at your core. If you have any doubt, come back to your center and your path, then revisit and solidify your vision by looking deep within to reconcile that which seems polarized.
This is the time to listen to your deepest knowing, and not be thrown off course by lessons which were meant to show you the right direction. Allowing your mind to spin will only complicate and obscure clarity, so quiet, withdraw, or retreat into nature. Walking or physical exercise can help dissipate locked energy, giving you a better chance to integrate.
The ego tries to recreate the past, which is impossible, so move forward and unlock the door to the next level of your life. Come to grips with your identity, then decide who you are and who you are not. Stay solid in that soul knowing, while remaining fluid in the dance of your life.
Remember, what you are looking for, is what you are looking with. In other words, external interference is a perception and not external at all, it all comes from you, so dive deep, return to your center and you will always know the truth.
by karenbanfield on July 21, 2009
Question
Are you still in contact with War Eagle’s family? Joy
I called Big Bear, the man on the cover of the book, to tell him Wolf Medicine had been published just after it was released in January. He was delighted. I no longer have addresses for other members of the family so he sent copies to them on my behalf. When I told Bear it had been published, he said, ‘What took you so long?’
I gave them each a draft of the book shortly after their father died but it was all too raw and fresh to spend time with. They are reading it with enough distance for the first time now.
The book is a snapshot of a time we had 13 years ago and much has happened to separate us since then. Wagon Burner and I stayed in touch for many years but he stopped calling after I married. I think that made our friendship awkward in his eyes. I’ll sometimes stop to see Big Bear when I float down the Sandy River. His knees and back have crippled him and left him housebound. Shining Moon lives in Bend and is happily married. Red Wolf has remarried and moved from Virginia, but I no longer have his address. I fully expect we will reconnect again one day when the time is right.
by karenbanfield on July 19, 2009
Question
Dear Karen,
What are the signs that show me I’m on the right path for my career? Cora
Each one of us has a soul dream, some little gem that is ours alone that needs to be recognized, integrated and expressed. Finding our work and giving it to others is the reason we’re on this planet. It’s our job to care enough to listen to that desire, validate the truth and grant it life in the world. It’s common to numb that voice and to deny our light. It takes great courage, determination and persistence to keep walking when others encourage us to settle for less.
My son worked as an artist for Warner Brothers for several years. He’d say, Mom I have to get out of here because this place is killing my creativity. People who came here as exciting talent have become corporate robots who are just putting in time and counting the days until they can retire.
That’s the career trap, a place that feeds our survival fears while slowly sucking life from our souls. Pretty soon our eyes glaze over and we become willing to show up for the paycheck and kiss our dreams goodbye.
Ask yourself this:
Do you feel excited about where you’re going and what you’re learning?
Do you enjoy leaving for work or school because it brings you closer to expressing the core of yourself?
Does your conscience support your actions?
We all hit stagnant places where we lose our way, question ourselves and feel discouraged. It’s helpful to think of those as landing pads for integration so we can quiet, listen and move to another level of understanding.
Or maybe you’ve been fired or laid off. These experiences can take you into your darkest hour, into the valley of the shadow of death, where you must face your deepest fears, until you find the still place that holds your inner light. Use that light to overcome and propel yourself toward understanding, strength and confidence. These things will help you move through the blocks that obstruct the river of your life.
Imagination is a way out. Imagination makes all things possible, it makes all things happen. We change form first in our imagination. Close your eyes and sit with, feel and visualize what you want to call into your life. Do it every morning for a full month. Magic will happen, I can guarantee it.
Find the confidence to follow the path that is true for you, and then surrender to birth, motion and the unknown. No matter how difficult it is, you must cut away anything that keeps you from the truth. The death of the soul happens when we cling to a particular reality. We must remain fluid.
Like Bob Dylan said, we’re either busy being born or we’re busy dying.
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